User:Monsieur Crow/Smasher:Rastaimposta

(Curator's note: A gracious chap, Omega Tyrant, has informed us that Rasta Imposta has appeared on the SSBPD, with a decidedly dismal record of 1 win and 6 losses and an exceptionally egregious ELO of 1103. With this in mind, please enjoy the article about a smasher who has "[beat] everybody".)

Rastaimposta (Rasta Imposta) comes from Oklahoma, a place where one might think there are no smashers worthy of playing. Rasta Imposta has traveled all over the world playing smash and beating everybody. He is the self proclaimed grand daddy master of Smash. He currently holds the record for being the "Rasta-iest" in all the land, what ever that means.

He often plays with KOSMOS, one of the best players in Oklahoma, he often 4 stocks him and even more often JV 5 stocks him. Once in a 2v1 match, with KOSMOS and South Paw, the best in the state with friendly fire off, Rasta killed himself to his last stock. They played for an epic 3 minutes. Rasta finished and won with less than 20% damage on him. KOSMOS threw his controller and broke it, Rasta quickly took the parts and fixed it, then he immediately broke it again. Thus proving that Rasta giveth and Rasta taketh away.

South Paw is another regular that Rasta beats in this game constantly. After 4 stocking his Marth with Roy twice, Rasta claimed "I can beat you with my hands on fire tied behind my back with one eye looking away." South Paw quickly took on this challenge, which was to be his last. South Paw was, once again, destroyed by Rasta. When Rasta was finished, he quickly untied his hands and imitated Captain Falcon and hit South Paw in the face with his hand still on fire. South Paw, so shaken up by the raping and the Falcon Punch, quickly drove off to his girlfriends house to cry on her shoulder. All of Oklahoma found this to be quite a shock, none of us knew he had a girlfriend, but we quickly realized his "girlfriend" was just his fist with googly eyes. Ever since that instant, when Rasta crushed South Paw, South Paw has been looking for a place to live in Arizona, because he claims "Arizona is too hot for black people, Rasta won't get me there." Apparently he forgot that black people live in Africa. When Rasta heard this, he quickly replied with "He shoulda went to Alaska." To this day, ever since South Paw when to hang out with his "girlfriend", AKA Ms. Googlyfist, no Oklahoman has seen him since.

Rasta has recently been spotted convincing men to have sex with him, telling them that "He's the best at smash" and that "Dude nothing hit me!" Reports indicate Rasta is a bottom.

Tournaments
- OSCLA 1st Place ($500) - KOSMOS SuX 1st Place ($1000) - RITGIATL Fo Real 1st Place ($0 because he gave the prize to KOSMOS who hardly wins any matches, let alone tournaments)

Rasta asks not for any more tournament information to be put here so the rest of Oklahoma wont feel so bad.