User:Megatron1/Joke Book

The Joke Book is a collection of jokes. We always welcome questionable suggestions here. We will not take offensive jokes or jokes that make little sense. We hope these jokes will make you laugh.

Chuck Norris Jokes Facts

Chuck Norris is the strongest guy alive. So strong that he even has a lot of facts that may seem like jokes at first, but are completely true.

The Facts

From	Fact
Bandit	Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Bandit	Once, a shark bit Chuck Norris' leg. After months of critical pain, the shark died.
Megatron1	Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Blue Ninjakoopa	Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
FalcoPunch	When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.
HavocReaper48	Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
HavocReaper48	Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
HavocReaper48	In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
BNK	Chuck Norris can build snowmen out of rain.
Dr. Pain 99	Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
HavocReaper48	Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the title wouldn't make any sense.
Ivy73	Chuck Norris can strangle people with a cordless phone.
Zmario	Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Welikeikeandfoxes	Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick is an illusion. He doesn't bring his left foot up to hit your face. His right foot rotates the earth to bring your face to his left foot.
Kyle.b	Godzilla is Tokyo's rendition of Chuck Norris when he came to visit Japan.
Kyle.b	Chuck Norris once made an onion cry.
Brawlingbrian	When Chuck Norris is in a war, he doesn't dodge the bullets. The bullets dodge him.
Mastergameandwatch	Before the Bogeyman goes to sleep each night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Marioman6788	It's been discovered that giraffes are descendants of horses. It turns out Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a horses's chin, and its descendants are now called giraffes.
Lucasthefourth	Chuck Norris can make Resetti shut up and go back underground
KirbytheAmazing	When Chuck Norris running, he's not moving. His feet roll around the world to make the world spin.
KirbytheAmazing	One day a turtle wins a marathon competition and places first. It happened because the turtle saw Chuck Norris when it was looking backwards.
KirbytheAmazing	Santa Claus was real, before he forgot his present for Chuck Norris.
Lucasthefourth	If you mess with Chuck Norris, you're on tomorrow's newspaper for the "people called by the God" part
Lucasthefourth	If Chuck Norris stars in the film "300", it would to be called "1"
PSIWolf	Once, Wolf said to Chuck Norris: "What’s the matter, scared?" Chuck Norris then said: "No." Now, Wolf is dead.
Dots	Chuck Norris can suck up a black hole.
KirbytheAmazing	Chuck Norris once tried to do a skydiving and perform an aerial roundhouse kick to the ground. That's how the Grand Canyon born.
KirbytheAmazing	In 1945, Chuck Norris do a freefall from outer space and do roundhouse kick when landing in Japan. A massive explosion occured. The government in Japan called it an Atomic Bomb.
T.testLP	Chuck Norris can infinite chaingrab with only one Ice Climber.
T.testLP	When Chuck Norris walks over banana peels, it makes them trip.
HavocReaper48	The Swiss army uses a Chuck Norris knife.
PSIWolf	When you type "Chuck Norris" in (Super) Scribblenauts, Maxwell dies because of Chuck Norris' awesomeness.
Anonymous	This user has been roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris just as he was going to post this Chuck Norris joke fact.
BlindColours	When Chuck Norris laughs, he breaks the sound barrier.
Dbrainstorm	Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares it to grow.
Hawk 21	Chuck Norris benchpresses with fully-loaded Walmart trucks, uses landmines as slippers, flosses with barbed wire, and eats beef. Raw. With no seasoning.
ReiDemon	Did you know Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter pilot by just holding up his fingers and saying "Bang"?
Hawk 21	Chuck Norris's pulse is measured on the Richter scale.
Dots	Chuck Norris can make a computer run fast by pointing at it.
ReiDemon	Chuck Norris won the Tour De France with two flat tires and a broken chain.
Drakon64	If Chuck Norris was a pencil, he would be a #1.
King KirbyD	When that guy asked Vegeta for Chuck Norris's power level, Vegeta says, "The scouter broke."
ChuckNorris24	When Chuck Norris plays Pac-Man, the ghosts stay in their box.
ChuckNorris24	Chuck Norris once peed in a semi truck's gas tank as a practical joke. This truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
ChuckNorris24	Every time Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks someone an angel gets his wings.
ChuckNorris24	Lightning doesn't strike Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris strikes lightning.
ChuckNorris24	When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
ChuckNorris24	Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
ChuckNorris24	Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
ChuckNorris24	Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
ChuckNorris24	Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
ChuckNorris24	Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
ChuckNorris24	Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
ChuckNorris24	The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
ChuckNorris24	Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.

Video Jokes

Ever watch one of those hilarious videos that you kept on watching over and over again so that you could laugh the first 10 times? Yah, those bore you sooner or later, but it'll be somewhat funny to others. Now share the video with everyone!

From	Video
BNK	Don't touch me
Mega	Yoshi is huge
Mega	Sonic reads Twilight
Dodo	Like a bawss
Dodo	SSBB CaramellDansen
Solar Dragon	Funny Pokémon Video
ReiDemon	There She Is!! Part 1
Mega	Chris vs Boulder (Guile's theme)

IRC Jokes

Since Dodo actively updates his IRC list, go look at his for IRC conversations.

Bad/Corny Jokes

For all the wannabe comedians, this is the place for your jokes.

From	Kind of joke	Joke
Ivy73	Pun	Did you hear about the two peanuts who went into a bar? They got assaulted.

Misc Jokes

From	Some random joke
PSIWolf	You know how to attract trolls on the IRC? Change your name to "Justin_Bieber".